I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
