i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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