So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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