reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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