Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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