I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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