i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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