My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
