i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
