You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
