There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
