I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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