My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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