i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
