Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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