Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
