This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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