my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
