dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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