god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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