after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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