I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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