it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
