I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
