I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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