if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
