I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
