ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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