Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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