In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As shirtless as possible
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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