if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
