I wish my penis had an off switch
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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