there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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