She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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