I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
