Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
