The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
