I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
