I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
