when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize