I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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