i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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