i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
