I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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