Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
