Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize