as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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