I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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