My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
