Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize