the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
