hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
