The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
