Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
