someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
