found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
