I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
