I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
