Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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