Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
