somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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