Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
