So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
