It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
