Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
